And again

B has a boyfriend – it’s serious, they’ve met each other’s parents – in the three weeks since he blocked her “forever”….

I can’t bring myself to ask why he connected with her again.

Am I that uninteresting and undesirable?  Am I that bad that he has to go back to someone who he blocked and broke up with and cut ties with?

It’s bad enough that now N is in everything…. but to have her back too – the message it sends is profoundly heartbreaking.  I am so little that he needs her.

He said that he predicted I’d be the first to leave – and I said no – I have no desire to.  But maybe this is him wanting me to go.

He’s got it so good – women who throw themselves at him (me included) and he sits at home and orchestrates all of it.  Kids part time, alone time as it suits him.  Doesn’t need to lift a finger to get what he wants.  If I left I don’t think he’d notice – I don’t think he’d even realise.  Or mourn.

I need him far more than he needs me.  That is clear.