Searing insight

And for the first time in months I don’t have a headache.


I wondered why I loved him.  And yes – he’s all over K2 for now – but that will pass – the panic of the decision now – is moving on.  He told B and E1 – neither are happy, but the investment in time was draining him.  I suspect that E1’s need to end their “relationship” helped him to realise that his perspective wasn’t hers.  She had three attempts.  And I told him that I fully expected him to be with her Tuesday – one last hurrah… maybe he saw the hollowness in that.  That his last hurrah with B wasn’t…. and that it would just keep going.

I loved him because he came to this on his own.  I was able to hold my tongue long enough to let him get to it himself.  And he waited until late at night after a lovely day… and I love him.  Simply.  With faith that in time he’ll find a way to love himself and see himself the way I do.

He said he’s looking for me now, to find me some boys…  with the expectation that I’ll say that he’s all I’ll ever need.  I told him – he’s the only one I care to love.  I’m happy to play with others, but in caring to love him – he is all I need.

These other women – who are all searching for someone to love them – someone to let them feel like they’re someone’s someone – they put so many blockers up – make so many rules about how they’re to be loved and treated that they miss the sheer simplicity.  You want to feel like you’re someone special? Make someone feel special.

We finished a round the other night and he was smiling at me – looking at me differently.  I asked what…. he said “just love you, is all….”  my heart is full.

And I don’t have a headache.



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