Body stuff

So.

I’m booked for surgery in April.

Full belt lipectomy, breast reconstruction and reduction.

I’m terrified but so ready.  I want to look good naked.  I want to have the body that matches my desire and my wants and my needs.

He wants to film us having sex – I asked him to wait until after I’m healed.  He laughs, but gets it.

In a moment of vulnerability I talked to him about this being the last nail in the no more kids coffin.  He handled me beautifully and didn’t freak out, nor did he allow me to become emotional.  I engaged his aloofness and it made a difference.  I do value his opinion and his thoughts about things and it’s nice to breech conversation that isn’t just about fucking.

His harem is hysterical – so much effort for so little.  Both the girls are so high maintenance and unpredictable.  Full of excuses which really, undermine their worth.  Neither of them put out enough to get away with the kind of behaviour and responses.  But Bec has a new car now so she’s likely to be more available to him.  He keeps saying he’ll ghost.. but the lure of fucking is too great.

Now to practice.

Dear Cole and Nick,

Over the holidays I received some news about a medical issue that I’ve been struggling with.  I’m currently undergoing treatment, however, it looks like I will need surgery in April.  This means that I’m really sadly going to need to step down as bridesmaid as I will not be well enough to attend the wedding.  It is your special day and I absolutely don’t want to be a stress on either of you at this time.

I hope that any investment you’ve made in dressmaking supplies can be re-allocated to someone else maybe?  I was really looking forward to being part of the celebration but hope that maybe with enough notice, you’ll be able to replace me with someone less high maintenance.

I’m really sorry and wish you both the very very best.

Love and brightest blessings,

J.

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