Surprises

We’ve been off and on and off and very much on…

He still surprises me.

He asked if he could come and hang out Friday – to just hang out.  Which we never really do / did.

He set up Wednesday as a date – movies- a walk – a couply thing.

But the sex.

He undresses me at the door – nothing new.  I ride him on the couch – I’m working on my leg strength and positioning = getting better at that… then… a the moment where I think I’m about to tumble over the edge he stands up.  The boy stood up and fucked me as I clung to him like a monkey.  He stood up.  He lifted me.  He held me, suspended in the air and I couldn’t do more than laugh and be in that mad moment of surprise and fear and shock and all the things that run through the mind of a girl who has never EVER considered that as an option.

Then he took me to his room and pushed further – I remember squealing / writhing and there was begging in there somewhere.  He still surprises me.  He still extends and pushes me.  He almost got me there- but that silly little squick factor in my head needs dealing with.

I worry – that he spends most of his time teasing these other girls – that I’m becoming old news.  Not worth the play.  But then we giggled about C and her running narrative.  About B and her youth…  still – I’ve stopped sending things, unsolicited.  I’m waiting more for him to ask… to play with me as he plays with them.  But then he likes the game with them.  The taboo of making them transgress and face their self imposed barriers.  I feel cruel sometimes, laughing at them.  But at the same time… these girls are fucked in the head.  They’re dangerous – C in particular.  She lies.  She keeps too many secrets and she’s looking for an out.  She’s desperate and desperate people do very scary things.

but gods, gentle reader.  we go for nearly a week and barely make it through the door.  For all their talk, these girls miss out on the actual fucking.  And fuck he’s good at me.

 

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