Dojo last night – good fun and a welcome distraction. Notes for next time – make sure that I have layers – the bunny got cold after a while.
Have to stow my brat a bit too – I can be such the teacher and for me it’s about learning how to shut up.
I hurt less today.
He still messages – but I’m not initiating. He asked if I wanted to see a photo and I said no – because I need to set boundries for myself. He talks about the edges – flirting but then withdrawing – I’ve not the time or energy to put my heart out there any more.
I loved him. I will always love him – covet him and desire him, but we’re done. I wasn’t his ideal and that’s that.
The thing about starting again – about meeting people for sex after having a lover so intensely is that now I need to find people who can play me again. He could look at me sideways and I’d be already there. I ache for the ease of that. Of knowing exactly where I stood and how to be.
give it time, right?