Dojo last night – good fun and a welcome distraction.  Notes for next time – make sure that I have layers – the bunny got cold after a while.

Have to stow my brat a bit too – I can be such the teacher and for me it’s about learning how to shut up.

I hurt less today.

He still messages – but I’m not initiating.  He asked if I wanted to see a photo and I said no – because I need to set boundries for myself.  He talks about the edges – flirting but then withdrawing – I’ve not the time or energy to put my heart out there any more.

I loved him.  I will always love him – covet him and desire him, but we’re done.  I wasn’t his ideal and that’s that.

The thing about starting again – about meeting people for sex after having a lover so intensely is that now I need to find people who can play me again.  He could look at me sideways and I’d be already there.  I ache for the ease of that.  Of knowing exactly where I stood and how to be.

give it time, right?


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