Be more congruent

this is what is leveled at me.

does this mean stop telling me to flirt with other people?

We shouldn’t do sleepovers because we get too serious – you spent 4 hours chatting to someone else – how is that us being serious?   The answer – be more congruent.

Speak my truth?  Ok – I want you.  I want boyfriend, lover, partner in crime.  I want you to tell me what you want – but you don’t/ can’t.  I suspect it is because it isn’t what I want and not saying is easy.

I want you and I want to be all in – which means lets play, sure, but maybe then you need to pursue me with the same intensity that you’re chasing B.

There was something else you said last night – that I do it so I don’t lose you – yep.

I encourage it because I’m scared that if I don’t join in then I’ll be left.  Is this my crazy?  Reject through redirection so that it hurts less? Is it the line between fantasy and reality?  I’m not that confident in myself to think that you can’t do 1000000 times better.

perhaps the things I encourage you to do with / for her are the things I wish you would do for me.   The shine has gone off – I’m not fun any more?

All this is my paranoia, my crazy that I’ve been trying to avoid.



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