oops

He fucked her.

On the front lawn of their house.

And then they both decided to tell me about it.

Broke me a bit but then once I moved through the jealousy and the hurt.

The deal was that we had an open chat – that we three were walking the path together.  And yet she keeps contacting him separately.  And for all my warnings…. he’s still going to try because the potential is greater than the cost perhaps?

But then, as I cried, he surprised me – he stopped and held me.  He’d spent that last 20 minutes telling me the story how he’d watched her, texted her, drawn her out and it was the image of her on her knees that broke me a bit.  In his head, he thought it would be sexy – that I would be turned on by it – and yes, I was – but it was too close because both of them had actively avoided me.  Threesomes only work if all three people are on the same page.  I don’t fear losing him (not so much any more) – but more that it just smacks into not being enough.  Not being good enough.  Not being enough.  It’s a fucking mantra in my head.

Seems we’re both still capable of surprising each other. Huh.

And yes – I played the disappointed card and she at least had the sense to look sheepish.  What she forgets is that in all of this, Sy and I share an understanding – we’re both adults – we play and we play hard sometimes, but we talk too.  She has far far more to lose in this and she would be well placed not to piss me off.

Just means I’ll be bringing other plans forward.

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