Fee’s hens night – hotsprings and hanging out with the girls.

I was so anxious – I don’t do things like this because I’m so scared of being found out – shallow and inadequate.  These girls all have functioning relationships – they have kids and husbands and I just don’t.

They remind me of all the failing that I did.

I am so jealous of their functioning.

That’s not to say that r and I make it work – we rock this whole single parent family thing.  But gods, hearing them bitch about how their menfolk don’t do XYZ makes me want to scream.  I want to rant and rave about how fucking lucky they are that they don’t go to bed alone every night.  That they have someone to talk to at the end of the day.  That someone else might bring the shopping in from the car.  That the bed might be warm because there is someone else in it.

Gods the ache of lonely sucks and gets harder when you realise that there is potential but that potential is still cookies – not quite ready yet.




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