Fuck him in the neck

CSA called me at work.

they called me at work to tell me that they can’t locate the tool, and that they were unable to follow through on the payment I was supposed to get.  The first in over a year.

How is it that it is now my job to find where he lives, his employer, his car registration and all of the other things that they are fucking supposed to do.  How is this MY job?  How dare they call me at work to tell me that I’m pretty much out of luck unless I can supply these details – AGAIN.

I did ask if they were quite so interrogative of people from abusive relationships – do they often ask if the perpetrator is in regular contact, planning on going on a trip.

For once I would like to be supported by the people who are supposed to be supporting me and not made to once again feel like the absolute failure that I am.

Life would be easier if I didn’t need money from him at all – if he didn’t pay, then he could fuck off and we’d all just be better without the cunt.

I cannot see the man who convinced me that I loved him.

And now hurt all over again.  All of it.

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