We should make an effort he says.. … I think I want to make an effort he says.
I am such a fucking sucker for someone who pays attention to me. I’m a cat, he’s nip and mouse and feathers and my mouth is full of the taste of him.
We decided Wednesday is date night. He made me climb a mountain…. well, Arthur’s Seat…. and yes… turns out, screaming into the void is good for both of us. And fuck off all of you who will roll your eyes – exercise is good for my moods. So is sex alfresco… yes yes…
Hot springs next week – I could get used to being treated well.
It brings into stark reality just how bad it was towards the end. I can do glib and silly and make fun of his texting the woman he was fucking in my house when I was giving birth. Laugh about the fact that for most of my pregnancy and for all of the week I lasted after, I slept on the couch…. all of his needs before mine, before hers and mine. But the shock of being treated well – of being taken places, of sharing things with someone for the sheer pleasure of sharing something – that takes getting used to.
i’m waiting for it to all fall apart.