On contact

I get touched out.  I love my little girl with all that I have – she is my sun and stars, my anchor and my little smiling hook.  And some days I just cannot handle being touched by her.

When the only contact you have is non-negotiable it forces you to think about how we contact and communicate with each other..

I never used to be the “touchy-feely” type – I’d hug but regarding overt displays of affection – not so much.  I spent a long time in a relationship with someone who spoke about needing physical affection, but it was always on his terms.  He started looking elsewhere – it ended as you’d expect.

I used to hate that he’d fidget – lying in bed, it would take him what felt like hours to settle and find stillness and it irritated me.  R is sometimes the same – she just wants to “be” on me or touching me and it drives me insane some days.  And I’m sure some days when I want a cuddle she’ll want none of me either.

I find myself aching for physical contact that is just day to day.

I enjoy the contact that comes with sex and intimacy, and let’s be honest here – I’m all for the kinky shennanigans and the contact there too.  And I can contrive situations where I get contact – I go to massage and I get my hair washed at the hairdresser.

But what I miss is the hand on my shoulder as someone moves from the couch to the kitchen.  Or the peck on the head as they leave for work.  The mundane contact that is significant for no other reason than it is insignificant.

When you’re in a relationship, you tend to take it for granted.

When you’re alone it is something you can’t replicate.




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