Pangs

I like that he enjoys sharing me.

I like that he gets off on watching other people.

He let me sleep today – which was nice – little nap in someone elses’ bed.

But beneath that?

Just lying next to him was simple but I still don’t know if he actually likes me.  Or knows me.  I am a little sexual work book – the conduit and the permission he needs to give himself to explore the things he’s wanted to do for a long time but not been “allowed”.

But I’m teacher by trade.

Maybe, just maybe, on my days off I want for more than that.  For different.

Rather than point harvesting in his game – to reach across and stroke my hair, my shoulder.  The points of affection – that’s what I’m missing.

And do I ask him for that?

Or do we keep the status quo.

I’m getting tired of the starting things…I’m getting tired of just doing the first bit.  That’s the hard work bit… having to be “on” all the time.  I just want the down time – the being around other people without having to be something.

I just crave simple.

Not even the sex right now – just the sharing of space.  Learning how to negotiate that.

 

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