Doormat?

So… he stayed the night.

Which, gentle reader, you’ll know is unusual for me – sharing my bed means that you’ve moved from simple fuck and run to actual emotional engagement.

We will, however notice that he stayed because his tinder date which we had been working on was local to me – so less driving in the morning.

Am I a doormat?  Letting him stay with me because it makes going out with someone else easier?

I thought that for some of the night – but at 2am, as we were drifting off to sleep, in the darkness, turned away he said “I am aware of this, you know.  That you’re being really helpful and supportive and that … I’m not unaware that it might be … I’m not unaware.”

So he thinks of me.  Can’t say it to my face or in the light of day, but this damaged little thing inside me curled and kindled just a little bit more.

It isn’t love – I don’t think we’re capable of that – either of us.

But maybe it’s somewhere above fuck buddies.

And if that’s what I can get – then I’ll take that and run with it.

If you’re wondering, tinder girl turned him down (silly).  But I was so proud of him going out there and having a go.

 

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