Even his snores are endearing

When you’ve slept alone so long that you find the snores of your bed companion endearing that’s a sign, right?

We fucked – he turned up mid bath after watching me from outside for who knows how long…  but then he held my hand over his heart and dozed off.  The thing I have been wanting more than anything else in the world – for him to stay.  I barely could breathe.

I forced myself to finds stillness – to be mindful in that moment – to feel his heart slowing under my hand, the slow unwinding of his body as it drifted from wakefulness to rest.

I’m a big believer in sleep being only something you can do when you feel safe enough.  That’s symbolic to me.  And he slept. And I floated in that place of danger.

I think I fell in love a bit.

For all the crazy sex  we have, the thing I crave the most, those moments of stillness – the moments of stay.  My heart opened.  I rested my head against his shoulder (resisting the urge to bite at the skin beneath my lips) and breathed with him.

He stayed.

Not the whole night – but after the climax, in that moment, for the first time, he didn’t just get up and put his clothes back on again.  And I didn’t feel like a whore.




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